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A Choice To Make
By Sheila Martinez
Ephesians 5:31- For this cause a man shall leave
his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two
shall become one flesh.
How can we know what it will take to build
a relationship until we enter into it? Two people, coming from differing
backgrounds, with different definitions for confrontations, for
celebrations, for events and trials of all kinds - how can we know
what will be required to blend the two into one?
The choice to try is one thing, but the choice to hold on when it
seems impossible is another.
It should be a given that there are going to be trying times within
the life span of every human being. The Bible tells us that in this
world there will be tribulations. But, many times we unrealistically
set ourselves up to think once we enter into a relationship all
of these things will vanish - and the prince/princess will fill
my every need. Why do we set ourselves up like that?
It beats me! I know that I was sort of in this idyllic farce when
I first married. But it didn't take long for me to find out differently.
We were so different - from such different ways of communicating
within our families that only God could make a way for us as we
set about trying to remake each other into the perfect mate.
He was from a family that went separate ways after a disagreement.
I was from a family that fought it out at all costs - loudly - and
over every means of communication. He is a think-it -out person,
I'm a talker - I have to talk it in order to see the way. Did I
say we clashed?
One day we were in the midst of one of the worst arguments we had
had to date. We were in our fourth or fifth year of marriage and
as the point of no return was fast approaching the strangest thing
happened. As we stood at opposite ends of the hallway I had a vision.
I saw this wall of bricks rising, one by one, each brick being laid
down and the wall getting higher and higher between us.
As I watched this wall rising, my husband reached a point of total
frustration and turned and headed into the other room. As he went,
I heard a voice ask me, " Are you going to let this wall rise
up between you and steal the very hope of this relationship?"
As I realized this was a warning that should not be ignored, I found
myself stepping forward, and actually lifting my foot to step over
the wall that was still rising - determined not to give in to a
'less-than' relationship when I could choose to have better. I just
needed to not give into what appeared and know that more was available.
Maybe you have had some of the same issues in your life and relationships.
Someone has hurt you with their words or actions. Maybe the definitions
they use don't translate to you correctly - or maybe there is a
sore place on the inside, a deep bruise you are unaware of. Maybe
there are forgotten things they aren't even aware of that cause
them to repond in ways that seem to defeat the very relationship
they are longing for. And maybe you are the one to be there as the
past breaks off and the newness of life becomes available for you
both.
I know for me the loneliest thing would be to grow old and know
that I gave up on the relationship I really desired to have. I want
to be able to say someone really knows me and I know them. I know
where his back hurts after a long day at work. I know how he likes
his banana pudding and which oldies he likes to listen to. And I
know that no matter how many storm clouds form and how angry the
wind can be, we are in it for the long haul.
Is this not what it all comes down to? To trust and know that when
one falls the other one is there to lift you up?
If -- if you make the choice to live in the knowledge that relationship
is a process -- and decide you can hold on and grow together in
this place called life.
Lord, teach us to live, and to love -- and to grow in the way of
true life -- and that abundantly, we pray. Amen.
If you would like to comment on this article, please send an email
to:sheila@vine3.org
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